Trooper Chat #4: The Apette Chronicles
by Lady Electra
Summary: CM from the Apettes (a group of girls dedicated to capturing their fav. Rougneck) comes on the show as a guest...random mayhem fallows


Fade in  
  
(Kelly is in the break room standing over a pot on the stove)  
  
Bob (walking in): Hey Kelly. Whatcha doing?  
  
Kelly (still looking down): I'm checking out something Dan told me.  
  
Bob: What did he tell you?  
  
Kelly (not looking up): He says that a watched pot never boils.  
  
Bob: Oh. Kelly, just how long have you been waiting for that thing to start boiling?  
  
Kelly (still looking at the dumb pot): What time is it now?  
  
Bob: 15 minutes before show time.  
  
Kelly (still looking): About 6 hours.  
  
Bob (smacks forehead): Okay, someone needs to have their head examined.  
  
Kelly (you guessed, still looking): Bob, could you tell the crew I won't be there for the show. I'm gonna prove Dan wrong and show him that a watched pot does boil.  
  
Bob: Kelly, if you're gonna do that, shouldn't you at least turn the burner on (reaches over and turns dial).  
  
Kelly (she's still looking down): Thanks Bob.  
  
Bob: Yeah, whatever. I'm gonna go and help the others get ready for tonight's show.  
  
Kelly (look up you ditz!): Okay, I'll see you all then.  
  
(As Bob's walking out Rachel walks in)  
  
Rachel: Oh, hey Bob (looks over at Kelly). What's she doing?  
  
Bob: Trying to prove Dan wrong...long story I'll tell ya later.  
  
Rachel: Okay...Hey did you know we're have one of the Apettes on the show tonight?  
  
Kelly (I don't need to tell you): Which one?  
  
Rachel: Crazy something or other, I don't know. Hey we've got to get going, the show's about to start (grabs Bob's hand and runs out of break room leaving Kelly to watch her pot)  
  
Fade out  
Fade in  
  
(The lights come up so fast that they short circuit, leaving the set in complete darkness save for the red lights over the exits)  
  
Dan: Okay which one of you did this?  
  
Bob (off stage): Sorry, but Kelly's a bit busy at the moment so she couldn't do it.  
  
Elizabeth: Can we change them?  
  
Kim (off stage): It's probably just the fuse, Laurie'll fix it.  
  
Laurie (off stage): The hell I am, do you think I wanna get zapped by ol' sparky?  
  
Dan: Just do it!  
  
(Laurie walks past the stage grumbling about something, a few moments later the lights come back on)  
  
Dan: Hello and welcome to the fourth installment of Trooper Chat. I'm your host Dan Wilson.  
  
(Close up on Host)  
  
Elizabeth: And I'm your co-host, Elizabeth Clark. Tonight we're going to have on one of the famous Apettes.  
  
Dan: Or infamous depending on which side you're on.  
  
Elizabeth: Please, lets all welcome our guest for tonight, Crazy Moon.  
  
(Host and co-host stand to greet Crazy Moon as she walks onto stage and shake hands with her)  
  
Dan: Hello Crazy Moon and welcome to Trooper Chat.  
  
CM: Thanks for having me.  
  
Elizabeth: Anytime. Now, you're an Apette right?  
  
CM: Yep, and proud of it! I'm also a Heaven's Misfit and I was a member of the Shadow Squad.  
  
Dan: Cool. Okay, Now onto the questions, these may be a bit boring so I'm giving you fair warning.  
  
Jason (jumps onto stage): AH! No boring stuff (he tries to hit CM but the pan bounces off)! What the...why won't this work (tries to hit her again with the same result)!  
  
Dan: Oh, did I forget to mention that the Apettes have immunity towards you and your pan?  
  
Jason (pouting): Man, I was looking forward to knocking someone out to day. Oh yeah, before I forget. CM which do you think is better (pulls out two types of holographic wrapping paper) we've got stars and snowflakes.  
  
Elizabeth: What's the point to that question?  
  
CM: I like the stars.  
  
Jason (yelling): You hear that Laurie?  
  
Laurie (off stage): Yeah, now move that fairy butt of yours and help me with this!  
  
Jason (running off stage): Hey, what color ribbon should be use for that?  
  
Dan: Well...that was...that was interesting. Okay back to questions. What first got you into R: STC?  
  
CM: What first caught me was the cool CGI and the plot lines are great as well. This isn't your average kid show. It show's real emotion, not like most.  
  
Rachel: Yes it does, so CM, who happens to be your fave Roughneck?  
  
CM: Doc.  
  
Dan: Doc? Isn't he that three-foot trooper dude?  
  
CM (hits Dan upside her head with her Billy club): NO! He's the one who's always saving the Roughnecks; he's the medic!  
  
Dan: Anyone got any aspirin?  
  
(Nurse Logan walks up and gives him two pills and then walks off)  
  
Dan: *downs pills* Thanks Logan.   
  
Elizabeth: Well I guess there goes the question about what's your weapon of choice.  
  
CM (holds up Billy Club): Yeah, this is what I use when I catch Doc.  
  
Elizabeth: How many times have you and the rest of the Apettes gone after these guys?  
  
CM: Hmm...that's a hard one, a few dozen times at least.  
  
Laurie (off stage): Dang! He's wakin' up. Hit 'im again Jason.  
  
Jason (off stage): Will do *thunk*  
  
CM (looks off to the right): What are they doing?  
  
Elizabeth (nervous): I think this is the perfect time to cut to the skit (tuns to Dan). Don't you think so Dan?  
  
Dan: My head hurts.  
  
Fade out  
Fade in  
  
(Bob, Kim, Rachel CM, and Elizabeth are in the break room standing before the refrigerator)  
  
CM: So what's this skit about?  
  
Kim: This isn't a skit CM, this is our punishment for bribing Jenkins back in the first episode.  
  
Bob: Yeah, what we've gotta do is clean out the frige.  
  
Elizabeth: *gulp* That things got more experiments in it then Intel has psychics. It hasn't been emptied since OPC.  
  
CM (takes out Billy club): Well, whose gonna open that thing so we can get this over with?  
  
(Everyone looks to Rachel)  
  
Rachel: What?  
  
Kim: Well you were the one who bribed him to say that.  
  
Rachel: No I wasn't, it was Kelly. Have her open the 8th gate to hell.  
  
Bob (points off to the left with his thumb): She's a little busy at the moment.  
  
(Cut to a quick of Kelly still standing over the stove, still waiting for the water to boil, then the camera cuts back to the group)  
  
Rachel: *sniffs at frige* Eww, something's rotten in the state of Trooper Chat.  
  
Kim: That's probably the chili (takes a deep breath). Okay, I'm gonna open that thing, everyone be ready.  
  
(Everyone crouches down ready to run for their lives, just as Kim's about to open the door Jason and Laurie come in dragging a large holographic paper wrapped package)  
  
Jason: Hey CM, we found this outside with your name on it.  
  
CM (unconvinced): Really...cool. I wonder what could be inside?  
  
Laurie: Why don't you look.  
  
(Jason hands CM a string, when CM pulls on it the sides of the package fall down to reveal Doc, dressed in a tux)  
  
Doc: Oh, my head. That is the last time I ever let Brutto dare me to drink beer with a Tequila chaser.  
  
Kim: You drink?  
  
Doc: Well actually no, I just thought I'd give everyone a shock.  
  
CM: Hey Doc.  
  
Doc: Oh no, I just remembered I left something on the Bunsen burner back in the barracks.  
  
Jason (raises frying pan): You aint getting off that easy Mack  
  
CM (clubs Jason upside the head): His name's Doc.  
  
(Doc looks around and sees that he's surrounded by the Psycho Chick, Intel Fairy, and CM. The three start closing in on him, taking a chance he opens the frige. Something that looks like warrior bug crossed with seven years of leftovers jumps out. Doc uses the distraction and runs out of the room)  
  
Jason (whacking creature): Ah, die already you stupid reject from "Little shop of Horrors"!  
  
Elizabeth (being dragged back to the frige): Someone HELP ME!!!!!  
  
Laurie (throws grenade): Fire in the hole!  
  
*Boom*  
  
Fade out  
Fade in  
  
(Host, co-host, and guest are sitting on the couch. Dan is sitting on the edge of the couch due to the fact that Elizabeth is covered with leftover creature)  
  
Dan: Hello and welcome back to Trooper Chat. If you're just joining us then you've just missed how Laurie got the name Psycho Chick. Our guest tonight is the Apette Crazy Moon.  
  
Elizabeth (pulling stuff out of her hair): Okay, so lets continue with the questions for CM. If you were to catch your fave Roughneck what would you do?  
  
CM: That's for me to know and for you never to find out.  
  
Kelly (off stage): Yeah! All right!  
  
(Kelly runs up onto the stage carrying the big pot that she'd been watching and shoves it in Dan's face)  
  
Elizabeth: Kelly, what are you doing?  
  
Kelly: Dan said a watched pot never boils, well I've been watching this pot and it did boil.  
  
Dan (taps Kelly on the head): It's just a figure of speech Kelly! Well let's end this show before anything stranger happens.  
  
CM: That sounds like a good idea.  
  
(Suddenly Jason, Laurie, and Doc come running out of left stage)  
  
Jason: CM, we found him, wanna help us catch him?  
  
CM: Help nothing, touch my guy and you'll crash and burn (joins in the chase)  
  
Dan: *sigh* I always speak too soon. Well goodnight folks, we'll see you here next time, same strange place, same strange time.  
  
Fade out  
  



End file.
